Thursday, October 2, 2008

The trials of seeking funding

One of the challenges of being in the nonprofit/education field is the continual need to look for funding from any possible source — private foundations, government agencies, companies ... whatever. For us, a large source of funding has been service contracts with the Franklin County Department of Job and Family Services. Every time a new RFP (Request for Proposals) is made available, they have a bidders' conference in which they go through all the details of the requirements. And since this is federal funding (in the case of the county DJFS, at least), there are a LOT of them. 

Today was one such bidders' conference (four — count 'em, four! – hours), and it was my eighth or ninth in regard to county funding since I've been in this job. Therefore, I'd heard a lot of the information before, but there was just enough new detail that one couldn't just zone out. 

Unfortunately, mid-afternoon is not my best time for an extended attention span, even though I did have my coffee at hand. So this is what I wrote during one part of the presentation:

A week is defined as a period of seven consecutive days  [NOTE: The preceding is actually a really-truly quote — word for word — from the presentation.]  for those who have resided in two-parent households for under six months in the case of individuals over the age of 18 whose surnames begin with A-M or for those who have resided in single-parent or group homes for more than a year, unless their surnames begin with N-Y and they have freckles. These individuals are eligible for core activities during one of the weeks (as defined above) if and only if there is a full moon within the past 15 days of the application date during an month with an "r" in it.

If, however, the sun is in Aquarius, and if the applicant has two minor children and/or an underage ferret in the household, he/she may participate in core or non-core activities for up to six months. By the end of this period, the applicant needs to provide Franklin County with confirmation of a completed dental exam and a scheduled colorectal exam, which must take place by the end of the federal fiscal year in the case of applicants from the Northern Hemisphere, or by the end of Groundhog Day for all others.

 ... And you know what is even more special? I get to go back for the rest of the bidders' conference TOMORROW!