Miss Tara's Page

December e-mail summary

2012-01-06T05:21:00.000-08:00

Work: 690 (31.4 per day for the 22 business days in the month)
Personal: 139 (4.5 per day for the 31 calendar days in the month)
Other (ads, etc.): 784 (25.3 per day for the 31 calendar days in the month)

Distance learning and ESL

2011-12-04T09:12:00.000-08:00

Can ESL be taught through distance learning?

Tara L. Narcross, Ph.D.

Language Institute Supervisor

Columbus State Community College

With the rapid growth of the Internet and the desire of many educational institutions to increase student options, cut costs and save space through the means of distance learning, it is no surprise to find some very unexpected programs offered on an online basis. I try very hard not to be a curmudgeon, but I would be a little dubious about a dental technician who had learned to make crowns only on a simulated basis, or a doctor whose instruction in surgery and bedside manner had come through lessons taken alone and in front of a computer. While there are a lot of advantages in the ability to impart and receive information through distance learning be imparted and received through distance learning, and to the great convenience of time and space options – I have taken distance courses myself and plan to take more – some subjects do not lend themselves easily to this approach. As a general rule, English as a Second Language (ESL) is one such subject, not just because of the subject itself, but because of the students who take it.

First, let’s look at the name of the subject: English as a Second Language. For teachers here in the U.S., ESL should not be thought of as English as much as a second language, which means there are many similarities to other second languages students here study – Spanish, French and so on. It involves comparing cultures, having discussions, learning day-to-day vocabulary along with grammar – and taking care of the occasional unexpected language need that suddenly arises. To do this effectively, interpersonal communication is key, and that is best done in person to have a more realistic environment. These students will be working with other people here in the U.S., and real practice with actual language is very important.

Further, many of today’s college ESL students are different from the traditional international students who are here on a student visa and will return home when they have completed their program. In many colleges and universities, the majority of the ESL population is made up of immigrants and refugees, who have a lot of very practical and immediate communication needs for their daily lives, as many of them have families and jobs. At Columbus State, for example, there are about 200 international students in any given quarter, compared to 1000 immigrant/refugee students. There are an additional 400 students each term in the College’s non-credit Basic English program, which teaches beginning through intermediate-level ESL; nearly all of the Basic English students are immigrants or refugees.

The ESL teacher imparts more than grammar and vocabulary; he or she becomes a trusted resource to help these students comprehend American life. The supportive environment and the personal touch are integral to the ESL world. In addition to working with reading, writing, speaking and listening skills, we have helped explain letters and forms written in tangled bureaucratese, advocated with a property manager for a student whose apartment was infested with bedbugs, guided students toward low-cost health resources for themselves and their children, and held their hands when they broke down in tears because a relative had just been killed in the turmoil-stricken country from which the students had fled. This sort of thing is not something easily done over the Internet.

Another difference is that many of these students have a low literacy level in their native language (L1). Research has clearly shown that students who have low literacy in L1 will have more difficulty in achieving literacy in the target language (L2). It is not just the lack of the grammar metalanguage for these students; the existence or non-existence of the L1 literacy itself appears to be a determining factor in the rate and success of acquisition of L2 literacy.

The low level of L1 literacy of many students corresponds to the fact that they did not have the opportunity to go to school much – or at all – during their early years. Some students grew up in refugee camps; others had to leave school early to work; still others came from countries where there were no free public schools. This yields a further complication for a distance-learning model of ESL: particularly at the lower skill levels, students may not know how to learn and study independently, and will need more hands-on guidance, oversight and support from the instructor until they learn study skills.

Finally, because these students are frequently low-income, there may well be no access to technology at home. According to a recent study by Connected Nation, “Only 37% of low-income minority households with children have broadband at home, and only 46% of all low-income households with children have broadband at home.” Further, “40% of low-income households do not own a computer (compared to only 9% of all others)”.1 This makes online learning more difficult, as many students must go to a library or other public access point to access their courses.

For these reasons, I strongly recommend against a fully distance-based ESL program. At the most advanced ESL level, for students who have achieved good literacy and strong independent learning skills, a hybrid course – a mix of online and in-person sessions – could be very successful, assuming the technology barrier described above is not an issue. At this level, students could improve their reading and composition skills in the E of “ESL” through online study, writing submitted electronically, Internet research, chat rooms and discussions. However, the SL component – the fact that this is a second language – needs in-person conversation, discussion, and support to facilitate truly successful learning of a language that most of the ESL students we see now will need to use in their daily lives as New Americans.

1 The Adoption Gap in Low-Income Households with Children: 2011 Residential Survey Preliminary Findings. Connected Nation, Washington, D.C., 2011.

Now that's a spoiled dog

2011-12-03T08:14:00.001-08:00

From a student essay:
"Sometimes I take a walk for my dog."

November e-mail summary

2011-12-03T08:11:00.000-08:00

Work: 866 (45.6 per day for the 19 business days in the month)
Personal: 126 (4.2 per day for the 30 calendar days in the month)
Other (ads, etc.): 885 (29.5 per day for the 30 calendar days in the month)

October e-mail summary

2011-11-03T04:35:00.000-07:00

Work: 866 (41.2 per day for the 21 business days in the month)
Personal: 130 (4.1 per day for the 31 calendar days in the month)
Other (ads, etc.): 677 (21.8 per day for the 31 calendar days in the month)

Good to know ...

2011-11-03T04:34:00.001-07:00

I received an e-mail yesterday regarding an alleged incident in which it was declared that the College had not violated any federal or state statues.

While I was in Atlanta ...

2011-10-24T15:55:00.000-07:00

I saw signs for the following curiously-named businesses:

Goode Dental Care
(Well, who would want bade dental care?)

Fish Family Chiropractic
(I wouldn't have thought that fish needed chiropractors.)

Allied Ankle & Foot Care Center
(If the ankle & foot aren't allied, care is definitely called for.)

E-mail summary: September 2011

2011-10-01T10:53:00.000-07:00

SEPTEMBER
Work: 925 (42 per day for the 22 business days in the month)
Personal: 171 (5.7 per day for the 30 calendar days in the month)
Other (ads, etc.): 959 (28.3 per day for the 30 calendar days in the month)

Targeted cooling

2011-09-12T05:10:00.000-07:00

From a student essay:
"The summer in my country is very hot, and there is no electricity to turn on fan or earcondition."

Studying what?

2011-09-07T13:47:00.000-07:00

From a student essay:

"At 8:00 pm I will go to chruch studying the babble with my best friend."

E-mail summary: August 2011

2011-09-05T06:41:00.000-07:00

AUGUST
Work: 1,145 (49.8 per day for the 23 business days in the month)
Personal: 133 (4.3 per day for the 31 calendar days in the month)
Other (ads, etc.): 945 (30.5 per day for the 31 calendar days in the month)

Love & marriage, or something like that

2011-09-03T13:37:00.000-07:00

From student essays:

"In my opinion here are a lot of differences that can be seen between living as a single individual or a manned individual."

and she goes on:

"There are a lot differences between single life and marred life."

And from another student:
"It is a personal choice to be married or romaine in single."
Lettuce hope people make the right choice.

I hope she was just unclear here

2011-08-31T05:29:00.000-07:00

Oh, my ... from a resume in which the applicant describes one of her previous jobs: "Newborn photographer. Duties: Photographing newborns, selling, taking payment."

Some more from the student essays

2011-08-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

"The legendary writer and philosopher Charles Darwin co-wrote the book "Origin of Species" with Sigmund Freud.”

(Where did she get that??)

“Today, a lot of significant number of people are being married and still being single.”

(Often that's considered a problem.)

“Married people will be bothered by their live partners.”

(Apparently the dead ones are no trouble at all.)

Something got lost here

2011-08-12T05:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if it's the subject, the verb, or the meaning that got lost here.

"Specifically using complex legal or economic methods to avoid following the laws, also to the unfair utilization of force and labor and the ability to service development in different places leading the depletion of one of the countries in exchange for access and profitably for these companies."

(From a student essay)

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be sailors

2011-08-12T05:51:00.000-07:00

From a student essay (referring to events after the start of a civil war):
"Families started to see their children seafaring and dying."

This is a great example of someone blindly using the spellchecker's first suggestion.

Oh, what a bother

2011-08-09T13:33:00.001-07:00

From a student essay:
"Most people migrate to countries to work without the bothers of Race, Sex or Religion."

Student essay gems

2011-08-07T11:17:00.000-07:00

As I mark student essays each term, every so often something jumps out that just needs to be shared. Sometimes it's a spellchecker error (blindly choosing the first thing the spellchecker suggests), a spellchecker-is-not-your-friend error (the spellchecker doesn't flag the word, because it's the wrong word, albeit spelled correctly), a traditional-style misspelling, or some other sort of proofreading, grammar or word usage error. And of course, there's also the missing-the-concept error.

So, for your reading pleasure and that of posterity, here are a few gems from recent student essays:

"Paragraph: a piece of words with the sane idea."
(Not always. I've read some pretty insane paragraphs.)

Referring to her course of study: "It also offers two-year certifictions."
(I like the term certifiction. It sounds like a useful term to describe the product of a diploma mill. It is NOT, however, applicable to CSCC's programs.)

Referring to living close to school: "It also saves me the grass, which is today very high price."
(That couldn't have been a spellchecker error; it was handwritten. I don't know how that one came about.)

Referring to ESL options at CSCC: "There is also offer Basic English that are uncrated hours."
(She meant non-credit or ungraded, I believe, but as Derek said, we do try to think outside the box.)

On the crime rate: "The mummers of crime increased."
(These are very quiet crimes.)

"I came in USA to get a great academic formation among universities that are recognized as excellent in the whore world."
(And just which universities would those be? No, don't tell me. I don't want to know.)

On why people come to the U.S.: "They want to have the right of freedom of speech wherein they can say whatever they want without being rudely interrupted."
(I felt compelled to clarify the meaning of freedom of speech for her.)

"The worst wars are the ones based on political asylum..."
(No, no, no ...)

"... amazing places that are visited by tourists such as histerical places like Lalibela..."
(I think he meant 'historical'. At least, I hope he did.)

E-mail summary: June & July

2011-08-04T05:43:00.000-07:00

JUNE
Work: 834 (37.9 per day for the 22 business days in the month)
Personal: 104 (3.5 per day for the 30 calendar days in the month)
Other (ads, etc.): 880 (28.3 per day for the 30 calendar days in the month)

JULY
Work: 1,016 (48.4 per day for the 21 business days in the month)
Personal: 102 (3.3 per day for the 31 calendar days in the month)
Other (ads, etc.): 888 (28.6 per day for the 31 calendar days in the month)

Eight ounces would be ... how much?

2011-06-22T13:57:00.000-07:00

The other day I went to the deli counter to get eight oz. of Asian broccoli salad for Mom. The nice lass behind the counter soon handed me a small container holding just about one broccoli floret. Then the conversation went like this:
Me: I asked for eight ounces.
Her: This is eight ounces -- actually it's nine. See? (Shows me label on container.)
Me (looking at label, which reads "0.09 oz."): No, this is point-oh-nine ounces, not quite one-tenth of an ounce. Eight ounces is the same as a half pound.
Her: (quizzical look)
Me: There are 16 ounces in a pound. Eight ounces is the same as a half pound.
Her: Oh, yeah, I knew that. I thought it didn't seem like you wanted very much.
Truth is stranger and scarier than fiction.

E-mail summary: May 2011

2011-06-01T13:58:00.000-07:00

May e-mails
Work: 975 (44.3 per day for the 22 business days in the month)
Personal: 107 (3.5 per day for the 31 calendar days in the month)
Other (ads, etc.): 849 (27.4 per day for the 31 calendar days in the month)

Campaign 2011 -- already?!?

2011-05-29T07:10:00.000-07:00

It appears the electoral campaign (or possibly cam-PAIN) for 2011 is already underway. We've already received our first piece of literature (is "literature" really the right word?) for a candidate for this November's election.

Receiving that reminded me that I'd never posted my summary of attitudes of the flyers, mailings, door hangers, etc. we received for the 2010 campaign, so here it is, for whatever it's worth:

Of the 77 items we received ...

28.6% were from Democratic candidates or organizations* with a positive focus (i.e., in favor of the candidate).
14.3% were from Democratic candidates or organizations* with a negative focus (i.e., against the opposing candidate).
7.8% were from Republican candidates or organizations* with a positive focus (i.e., in favor of the candidate).
49.4% were from Republican candidates or organizations* with a negative focus (i.e., against the opposing candidate).

* This includes the candidates themselves, their PACs or other organizations promoting the particular candidate.

That's right -- well over half of what we received focused simply on saying "my opponent is bad" rather than saying "I'm good". Not the kind of thing that really inspires confidence.

E-mail summary: April 2011

2011-05-29T07:09:00.000-07:00

April e-mails
Work: 860 (41.0 per day for the 21 business days in the month)
Personal: 94 (3.1 per day for the 30 calendar days in the month)
Other (ads, etc.): 736 (24.5 per day for the 30 calendar days in the month)

More great bargains

2011-04-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

I had scour pads on my shopping list today, and was only briefly confused by the prices:

$0.59 each

Bargain three-pack for $2.19

I bought three individual ones, thus saving $0.42 over the bargain.

Columbus, according to a student

2011-04-05T03:50:00.000-07:00

From an essay: "Firstly, Columbus was discovered by Christopher Columbus in 1492 on the name of Columbus ... Columbus and OHIO State are among the largest university in the world ... In conclusion, I like the city of Columbus because the city is quiet and there is not enough crime."

March e-mails

2011-04-03T13:36:00.001-07:00

Well, another month has passed. Time to see what my electronic communication looks like for March 2011.

Work: 903 (39.3 for each of the 23 business days in the month)

Personal: 114 (3.7 for each of the 31 calendar days in the month)

Other: 844 (27.2 for each calendar day in the month)

Get-well wish

2011-03-29T04:18:00.000-07:00

One of my instructors has been sick for a while. She just received an e-mail from a student that said, "I hope you are done sicking."

The power of one letter

2011-03-05T09:33:00.001-08:00

Student typo of the day: "My faith has made me a stranger young woman."
At least, I think it was a typo ...

E-mail summary: January & February 2011

2011-03-05T09:30:00.000-08:00

January & February have been pretty crazy months around here. How much I’ve been working should be pretty clear from the e-mail summary for each month:

January e-mails
Work: 852 (40.6 per day for the 21 business days in the month)
Personal: 53 (1.7 per day for the 31 calendar days in the month)
Other (ads, etc.): 944 (30.5 per day for the 31 calendar days in the month)

February e-mails
Work: 796 (39.8 per day for the 20 business days in the month)
Personal: 115 (4.1per day for the 28 calendar days in the month)
Other (ads, etc.): 844 (30.1 per day for the 28 calendar days in the month)

The llama as an educational tool

2011-01-06T09:18:00.001-08:00

Some grammatical topics lend themselves to interesting and creative classroom activities. Expressing location using prepositions is one of them.

In my Spanish 101 classes years ago, I used to use an 11” llama (covered in real llama fur, mind you) as a teaching aid. Instead of the sorts of questions and answers in the examples in the book -- “Where is the book?” “The book is on the table”, and so forth -- We substituted “llama” for “book” and it actually kept their attention surprisingly well, simply because it was different. (This was back in a lower-tech era.)

On one particular preposition-lesson day, I came to my 7:30 a.m. class armed with textbook, overhead transparencies, lesson plans and, of course, the llama.

One of the students came in with his bicycle. He told me the lock had been damaged in a theft attempt, and he wanted to bring the bicycle in to class so it wouldn’t be outside unlocked and vulnerable. I told him that would be fine as long as I could use the bike in my lesson. He looked a little confused, but agreed.

By the end of the lesson, I was pretty sure that I had the only Spanish 101 class on campus that could say with perfect fluency, “La llama está en la bicicleta”. (‘The llama is on the bicycle.’)

Unfortunately, the llama's budding educational career was cut short once we got cats. Somehow one of the cats managed to get him down from his shelf and went to work. I came into the room to find three cats hunkered down just like their wildcat predecessors at a kill -- only this wasn't the great African savannah; it was the living room, where they surrounded small piles of sawdust stuffing and a now-headless llama.

Catching up

2011-01-05T04:53:00.000-08:00

Oops! Boy, am I behind in my postings! I keep thinking of things I want to post, but I just haven’t sat down to do it in a really long time.

First, let’s take a look at the summary of e-mails from November and December 2010, just to get that up to date.

November:
Work: 810 (Average of 36.8 per day for the 22 business days in the month)
Personal: 121 (Average of 4.0 per calendar day)
Facebook notifications: 208 (Average of 6.9 per calendar day)
Ads: 566 (Average of 18.9 per calendar day)

December:
Work: 706 (Average of 30.7 per day for the 23 business days in the month)
Personal: 86 (Average of 2.8 per calendar day)
Other: 835 (Average of 26.9 per calendar day)

I’m really not sure what this says about me, my life or the world in general; maybe someday I’ll figure it out.

E-mail update - October 2010

2010-11-14T13:03:00.000-08:00

Once again I have tallied my monthly e-mails in order to ... to ... to something or other.

At any rate, here's the information for October 2010:

Work e-mails: Total of 825, which is an average of 39.3 for each of the 21 business days in October.

Personal e-mails: Total of 100, for an average of 3.2 for each of the 31 calendar days in the month.

Ads and Facebook notifications: Total of 750, of 24.2 per calendar day in October.

Sigh. Just ... sigh.

2010-11-05T13:11:00.000-07:00

I stopped at the store on the way home. There was a stand near the checkout of cute little gourmet muffins, which were 89 cents each or a four-pack for $5.29.

E-mails - September 2010

2010-10-01T12:25:00.000-07:00

Well, it's that time again -- time to review my e-mail for the past month. This time I did something slightly different. I separated my personal e-mails into two groups: actual messages for me vs. ads + Facebook notifications. Here's what I found:

E-mails on my work account: Total of 785 (average of 35.7 per work day for the 22 work days in September)

Facebook notifications + ads (businesses and nonprofit organizations): 822 (average of 27.4 per calendar day in September)

Personal messages (non-CSCC): 398 (average of 13.3 per calendar day).

I wonder how this compares to other people. I wonder if anyone else, anywhere, is doing something like this, or if I'm just that weird.

Starting Autumn quarter 2010

2010-09-26T06:19:00.000-07:00

Along with all the other challenges of beginning Autumn quarter, I had to replace SEVEN good-to-great instructors -- some just for this term, some for longer.
One had a family business emergency (will be out only this term, or so we hope).
Two found a full-time job for the duration of the school year.
One found a full-time job for at least this quarter.
One moved with her husband as he starts his PhD program in Toledo.
One is starting a PhD program at Kent State.
One called Friday morning (9/24 -- and the Basic English term starts Monday 9/27) to let me know she had found out Thursday evening that she'll have to have back surgery within 2 weeks.
Our term starts tomorrow. I think we’re ready to go.
I hope so, because at 8:00 a.m., we’ll be going, whether we’re ready or not.

From the Autumn 2010 Welcome Back table

2010-09-25T12:16:00.000-07:00

Confused-looking student: “What level is 355 on?”
Us: “Third floor.”
Confused-looking student (pointing upward): “So, that way?”
D: “Yes, you can take the elevator.”
Confused-looking student: “OK.”
He then wandered toward the elevator, turned around and ambled out of the building.

At that point, he wasn't the only confused one.

Teaching certification and qualification

2010-09-21T11:36:00.000-07:00

Several years back, I came to realize the painful truth that a degree or certification doesn't necessarily mean much -- if anything -- in terms of teaching ability. One of the best teachers I ever hired had very little previous experience (just a gifted teacher, born to do it) and one of the worst had her MA in TESOL *and* was certified by a large local public-school system. She couldn't teach her way out of a paper bag, and in fact got frustrated and quit in the middle of a term by leaving a resignation note for me written in pencil on the back of a handout -- in her classroom, for the students to find and bring to me. It was definitely a lesson for me. (And to cap that experience, she later used my name as a reference!)

There is a great deal of difference between knowledge of a subject and ability to impart that knowledge to others.

What certificate or degree programs in TESOL can give you is the knowledge of best practices in the field. Only you can know if you have the passion and the drive to work with Basic ESL students -- and that can be the most rewarding, frustrating, energizing, exhausting, wonderful experience in the world for those who do have that drive.

The edible American dream

2010-09-14T07:35:00.000-07:00

From a placement test essay:
“When I was a child, I said I will be in America because they have too many chicken and they have good rice too.”

Some things really should be unnecessary

2010-09-06T12:08:00.000-07:00

The other day I was looking through a catalog and found an ad for a baking pan. Among the many features listed was this one: "Oven-safe".

Mom got a new TV the other day. In the instructions, it specifies that one should not throw things at the TV, as it could cause damage.

Sigh.

Career option

2010-09-06T12:05:00.000-07:00

A student wrote in an essay that she wanted to be a “weeding planner”.
It’s an interesting career idea. You don’t have to actually *do* the weeding – just plan to do it. Of course, that’s how I handle the weeds in the yard now…

August e-mails

2010-09-06T12:04:00.001-07:00

It’s time once again for my monthly recap of e-mail volume. August was busy: 819 work e-mails (an average of 37.2 for each of the 22 business days in August) and 672 e-mails on my personal accounts (average of 21.7 for each of the 31 days in the month). And of those 672 e-mails, 254 of them were Facebook notifications.

I’m not sure why I’m doing this, but who knows? Someday, in a rather bizarre research situation, it may be useful data.
But probably not.

British English

2010-08-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

British English can also cause some challenges for those who are learning English in the U.S. Certain British English terms just need to be dropped for those planning to stay here.

In one class, a student had an eraser that worked in the same way as a mechanical pencil; clicking on the top of the plastic tube gave the user some more eraser to use. One of my students thought this was wonderful and asked where to get it. The first student replied that he'd bought it at the drugstore.

B: Then I will go to the drugstore today and ask to buy one of those rubbers.
Me: It's called an 'eraser' here in the U.S.
B: Yes, yes, of course. I will ask to buy that kind of rubber.
Me: No, you really need to call it an eraser here in the U.S.
B: They will understand in the drugstore when I say I want to buy a rubber.
Me: (sighing) Please step out into the hall with me for a moment.

I explained what the word "rubber" refers to in the U.S. -- and particularly if one asks for one in a drugstore! -- and watched her eyes widen to the size of dinner plates.

B: Eraser. Eraser. Eraser. Eraser?
Me: Yes, eraser.
B: (mumbling as we went back into the classroom) Eraser, eraser, eraser ...

Code-switching

2010-08-17T09:47:00.001-07:00

Code-switching is an interesting phenomenon in which a person who is speaking one language will mix it words or phrases in another one. Sometimes this is because the term from the other language that is "switched in" is simpler to express than the corresponding term would be in the language of the rest of the conversation. This often happens if the term is a conceptual one particular to a given language or culture. It may also occur when the speaker learned the concept only within the context of the language of the term. This doesn't occur in a case where either the speaker or the listener is monolingual; both speaker and listener need to know the term being used and its meaning; otherwise, it's not a case of code-switching -- it's just a case of using a term from another language. Code-switching occurs when there is a choice between terms for the speaker -- the language of the general conversation or another language -- and the other language is chosen, for whatever reason this may be.

One example of this occurred several years ago in my ESL 097 class. Two students were having a discussion in their native Gujarati during break. I didn't listen until I heard a term code-switched in -- which is when the conversation became interesting.

P: .......................... full-time or part-time?
B: .................................. part-time .............. full-time.
P: (looking very surprised) ..............part-time?
B: (looking completely smug) ............... *part-time*.
P: YOU SUCK!

This could be useful ...

2010-08-09T11:39:00.001-07:00

Graduate of the public school system?

2010-08-09T11:37:00.000-07:00

Not-So-Great Moments in Packaging

2010-08-04T14:20:00.000-07:00

I received my office supply order today: 1 box of posterboard and 3 boxes of dry-erase markers. The posterboard, logically, had a box to itself, and this (sigh) is how the markers arrived.

E-mail update - July 2010

2010-08-01T12:53:00.000-07:00

Another month has passed with virtual piles of e-mails:

For the month of July:
Work e-mails: 885, for an average of 42.1 per day for the 21 business days in the month
Personal e-mails: 716, for an average of 23.1 per day for the 31 days in the month.

Good thing these aren't all paper correspondence, or I'd be drowning in paper.

Interesting pricing strategies

2010-07-27T06:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it’s a little difficult to understand retail pricing strategies. For example:

The other day I got a call from a friend as she was in the drive-through line at Jack in the Box. A small soda was $1.49, a medium was $1.89 and a large was $1.79. She wanted to know which one I thought she should buy.

At a local teacher supply store, I found dry-erase markers for $.99 each, or 4 for $5.00.

And the family favorite – Years ago, Mom was at the grocery and noticed that two half-gallon jugs of milk cost less than a single one-gallon jug. She asked a store employee why that was. The employee promptly replied, “Oh, it’s because the gallons are on sale.”

Accent marks

2010-07-06T04:16:00.001-07:00

And then there was the Spanish 104 student who refused to use accent marks. I reminded her more than once that they were a part of Spanish spelling and that I took off 0.25 points for each accent mark error.

She explained that she simply didn't like them and said I couldn't make her use them.

It's the only time I've met someone with a genuine negative emotional reaction to a diacritic. It wouldn't surprise me if she had some other quirks as well.

Kindness

2010-07-04T11:44:00.000-07:00

This morning as I was heading to class, one of my former students caught up with me and offered me her old textbook from the class. She asked me to please give it to a poor student who couldn't afford the cost of the book.

This is the second time one of my ESL 100 students has done that, and I think it's a very kind thing for one student to do for another. It's truly giving with no thought of return, just to help another person in a difficult situation and make it a little easier for that person to be successful in class.

ESL 100 - Day 1

2010-07-04T11:43:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of ESL 100 for Summer 2010. I have 23 students on the roster; 19 showed up today. I don't know if the others will drop or if they will show up next week.

The class has students from the following countries (one each unless indicated):
Nigeria
Ghana
Eritrea
Somalia (4)
Egypt
India (3)
Senegal
Congo
Ireland
Morocco
Algeria
Palestine
Taiwan
Dominican Republic

So far, it looks to be a pretty great class.

We're doing something a little different with the curriculum, so it will be a learning process for everyone in the classroom. But then again, it's always a learning process. I learn something every quarter -- about the students, about the world, about my teaching... Just one of the many reasons I enjoy it.

What floor was that again?

2010-07-02T13:39:00.000-07:00

OK - Just one more Welcome Back Table story for this term.

A student asked what floor Room 315 was on; I told him it was on the third floor and pointed toward the elevators.

A moment later I looked over to where he was more or less hanging out of the elevator, holding it open and waving to get my attention so he could ask me, "Did you say Room 315 was on the first floor or the second floor?"

Yes, we were already on the first floor.

Finding their way

2010-07-02T07:20:00.000-07:00

Those of us who work the Welcome Back table at the beginning of each quarter have learned to accept that we will have a surprising number of students ask questions such as "What floor is Room 212 on?" And the vast majority of those who ask ARE native speakers of English. They tend to be young (although not all of them are) and somehow have not grasped that in the U.S., at least, *most* buildings have the 100s on the first floor, 200s on the second floor, and so on.

As I said, they are young, but they are still adults, which means they've probably had the opportunity to be in multi-story buildings before. So why have they not made this connection before they reached adulthood? Is it a lack of ability to observe? Difficulty with critical thinking? Insecurity when going to a new place?

There is probably a combination of these elements at work in most of these students, which is yet another indication of the failure of their prior education to prepare them for what would come after high school. If they can just manage to find the right room on the right floor, maybe they will be able to overcome that past and move upward.

As long as there is someone available to point them in the direction of the elevator.

A great new word

2010-07-02T07:19:00.000-07:00

I recently heard a wonderful new word -- pandelirium, as in "You can't believe what this week has been! It was absolute pandelirium around here!" It was clear that the meaning is a combination of pandemonium and delirium. It's an excellent example of a portmanteau word, and I think it's a keeper. It's wonderfully expressive.

Noo Summer Camp

2010-07-02T07:18:00.000-07:00

Just after reading a friend's post about her son's summer camp, I happened to notice this on my grocery receipt: "Camp Chicken Noo".

The knowledge that it referred to the soup I had bought didn't keep me from wondering just what kind of activities there might be at Camp Chicken Noo.

Could be an interesting place.

E-mails - June 2010

2010-07-01T03:39:00.001-07:00

Now that I've started tracking these, I'm wondering what it says about my life -- both the quantity of e-mails and the amusement I get from tracking them. Oh, well.

For the month of June:
Work e-mails: 749, for an average of 34.0 per day for the 22 business days in the month
Personal e-mails: 777, for an average of 25.9 per day for the 30 days in the month.

I do hope this proves interesting to someone, someday ... somehow.

Welcome Back - Summer 2010

2010-06-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

I worked a double-shift (8:00 - 12:00 ... FOUR straight hours!) at the Welcome Back Table in the lobby of our building today. Here's the tally of the first-day's questions:

127 - Where is my classroom? / Where is room #...? / Where is building ___?
22 - Need temporary parking pass
9 – Location of restroom
8 - Check schedule (2 of these students were actually here on the wrong day)
4 – Questions about room changes
3 – How do I get to the third floor by the stairs? (NOT a silly question. The main staircase leads into offices at the third floor, so the door is kept locked to keep students out of the office area. There are signs that tell students this, but the signs are small and easy to miss.)
3 – Where do I go to register? (In that office you just walked past, with the foot-tall orange letters that read “Non-Credit Registration”)
3 – Location of bookstore
3 – Need program information
3 – Location of person or program office
2 – Is there a student computer lab in this building? (No, there isn’t.)
2 – Can I apply for jobs here? (Name of building led them to think this was an employment agency)
1 – Where is a close parking lot?
1 – Where to get a student ID
1 – Location of Financial Aid
1 – Location of Cashier’s Office
1 – Location of phone
1 – Location of somewhere to eat
1 – Need name of street
1 – What is this building for?
1 – Vending machine not working
1 – Is this the WD building? (Yes, it is.)

Clever fish

2010-06-24T04:19:00.000-07:00

From a placement test essay:

"Sushi is very famous Japanese food and it is made by fishes."

Success strategies

2010-06-22T03:55:00.000-07:00

The other day an annoyed Basic English 3 student came into my office to dispute his grade. (This was the second time in a row he had failed the class.) He said there was never any homework and the teacher "not teach me nothin'".

Now, this would normally concern me a lot, except that the teacher in question had been telling me about this student all term -- came to class irregularly at best, never did his homework, was never prepared for class, was sullen, seldom participated, and so on.

So I asked H. to sit down and I called up the spreadsheet with his attendance for the term.

I told him, "Well, it looks like you didn't come to class at all during weeks 4, 5 and 6. And you came only once a week for the rest of the quarter."

He said he actually meant the quarter *before*this last one. I asked if that was the case, why hadn't he come to me before that? I further suggested that he might do better by attending class more frequently and doing the assigned homework. (In teacher-talk, we call these "success strategies".)

Curiously, that didn't keep him from throwing his certificate down on my desk and stalking out.

Don't know what they were looking at ...

2010-06-06T12:32:00.001-07:00

... but there was definitely something out there.

E-mails - May 2010

2010-06-02T09:59:00.000-07:00

Continuing with my monthly look at my volume of e-mails – for the month of May, I received 944 e-mails at work. This comes out to an average of 45.0 per day for each of the 21 business days in May.

This is more per day than in my personal accounts, which totaled 1059 e-mails, or 34.2 per day for the 31 total days of the month. And most of those were ads!

Self-control is important in this job

2010-06-01T11:38:00.000-07:00

A little while back I received an e-mail from someone in the German Ministry of Something-or-other requesting information about one of our Basic English students, who had already returned home to Germany. The official needed the information to determine whether this student was eligible for student health benefits as part of her parents' household.

I replied that this student needed to complete and sign a FERPA (Family Educational Records and Privacy Act) form and return it to me so that I could release the information. Simple enough, yes?

No.

I soon got a response from the official that there was no need for the student to sign a form. I needed to provide the information in accordance with German federal law.

Honestly, at times it's hard to maintain a professional demeanor. I had a terribly big urge to write her back and say, "Um, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but y'all lost the war."

Instead, I politely explained that I appreciated her situation, but I was bound by U.S. federal law. Fortunately, she got the message and agreed to contact the student to have the form signed and returned to me.

Sometimes I'm very proud of my self-control.

How to defeat the most dedicated salesperson

2010-05-23T13:21:00.000-07:00

Salespeople can be intimidating, and high-pressure sales techniques are hard to resist. But Mom & Dad did just that in an episode we've called the "Strollachair" story. I asked Mom to write it up; here it is. The lesson I learned from the story is at the end.

STROLLACHAIR

Sometime before Tara was to appear on the scene, a young woman came to the door - a sales person for a ‘strollachair’. Not only would it be a stroller, but it would convert into 13 other pieces: play table, etc. As nicely as Mommy-to-be could, she indicated no interest (the very idea of spending a toddler’s days converting equipment into other uses was daunting to say the least).

The saleswoman pursued, wanting to know what time Daddy-to-be would be home from work, that she did so want us to just see the slide show of Hugh Downs demonstrating the many uses. Mommy gave in and set a time.

When she showed up, she was not alone (apparently Mommy’s 38+ years had indicated to her she would not be dealing with a couple of young marrieds); her supervisor was with her. From the outset, it was obvious the supervisor was indeed going to show the young lady how to make a sale.

We watched the show and listened to the spiel. It went something like this:

Q. “Now, you see it comes in two colors, aqua and gray; which do you like best?”

A. (Daddy) “Gray.”

(Mommy) “Gray.”

Out came the order book.

(In unison) “But we don’t want it.”

Q. (To Daddy) “I know you want your wife to have whatever she wants for the baby.”

A. (Daddy) “Oh, yes.”

A. (Mommy) “But I don’t want it.”

Daddy remarked that the construction was very good.

Sure enough, the order book appeared again.

(In unison) “But we don’t want it.”

Q. (In a very confidential tone) “Do you know that some couples who don’t even make their payments on their TVs will make their payments on this?”

A. (Daddy) “Oh, that’s no problem; if we wanted it we would pay cash for it.”

By this time, the supervisor must have realized she was dealing with a couple long familiar with the A, B, Cs of selling, so she began to dig in. There was a deal to include a crib (which Mommy and Daddy were not going to buy). In a very strident voice, “If you’ll buy tonight, I’ll pay for the mattress out of my own pocket!”

(In unison) “But we don’t want it.”

Then, came what was supposed to be the clincher, “If anything should happen to the baby, God forbid, here’s an Act-of-God Guarantee; your money would be refunded.”

(In unison) “But we don’t want it.”

Less-than-cordial goodnights were said. Daddy and Mommy had the distinct feeling the supervisor had a big urge to slam the door.

FOLLOW-UP EPISODE

After Tara was born, a young lady arrived one day to sell a set of Little Golden Book Encyclopedias.

As she walked in, she looked around and said, “Oh, I can see you like nice things.” I had the definite suspicion she would have said the same thing if my decor had included burlap bags and orange crates.

I let her give her spiel and gave her a “No.”

Using a confidential tone, she said, “Now some women just take the payments out of their household money and their husbands never know about it.”

I came back with, “Of course that would not be a problem; if I wanted it, I would pay cash.”

As I remember, she didn’t know quite where to go from there - except out.

Miss Tara's lesson

I learned two important things from this about defeating salespeople when they are in front of you and you're finding it hard to get them to understand "no". (When they're on the phone, just hang up.)

(1) Continuing to repeat, "But I don't want it" doesn't always do the trick.

(2) Killing the clincher (i.e., the inevitable offer of a payment plan) with "If I wanted it, I would pay cash" really takes the wind out of their sails. It doesn't matter if it's true or not. If you really want to get them off your case, that's the line to use.

I hope she wasn't waiting outside all that time

2010-05-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

When I was teaching college Spanish, it wasn't surprising to have a number of students vanish by the third week. Sometimes they dropped; sometimes they just stopped coming and forgot to drop.

Therefore, I didn't think anything of it when this particular young woman disappeared from my class in the second week. I was surprised, however, when half an hour into class during the eighth week, she walked into class and rather noisily headed toward an empty seat, saying, "Sorry. My bus was late."

I thought, but somehow managed not to say, "Your bus was six weeks late?"

HOW many e-mails?

2010-05-02T07:35:00.000-07:00

As I was going through the daily virtual mountain of e-mails at work a little while back, it occurred to me to start tallying the number of them I receive in a day. Fortunately, only a few leak through the spam filter, and often I have to look at those to be sure they aren't actually something from a student.

I'm counting the spam and ads as well, because they take the same amount of time as if they were paper junk mail coming into my actual mailbox. It's only a couple of seconds, but it does add up.

For the month of April, I received 890 e-mails on my work account. This comes out to 40.5 for every work day.

I think I'll start doing the same thing with my personal e-mail as well -- just to see what I find out.

What's wrong with this?

2010-04-16T05:18:00.000-07:00

I saw this at the bottom of a letter of recommendation for a job applicant:

[I removed his name], PhD
Adjust Faculty
Capella University
School of Education

I hardly know what to say.

Welcome Back - Spring 2010

2010-03-30T09:25:00.000-07:00

Once again I am working the Welcome Back table in the lobby of our building for two hours each day for the first three days of the quarter. Most of the questions are the usual (below), with the following as the winner to date (and quite possibly the winner EVER) --

"If I get on the elevator and I want to go up, what button do I push?"

As far as the other questions, here's how they sort out so far (after 2 days):

Where is the Noncredit Registration Office? 3 (It opens onto the lobby and has orange letters a foot tall above the door to identify it.)
Where is Room ##? / What floor is Room ## on? How do I get to Room ##? 109
Is there a student computer lab in this building? 3 (Answer = no.)
How do I get a temporary parking pass? 5
How do I get a student ID? 1
Where can I buy ... books / calculator...? 1
Where is a vending machine? 1
How do I get to the basement? 1
Where is the restroom? 6
Can you check my schedule for what room I'm supposed to go to? 7

Not bad so far.

The homewrecking otter

2010-03-25T04:49:00.000-07:00

From a placement test essay:

"... this can lead to a broken home. That is, when one parter realise that the otter is cheating it deters the heart and if one is not strong enough this can lead to a divoce."

Favorite recipe (from a placement test essay)

2010-03-25T03:59:00.000-07:00

"First thing cook some rice then spoil some yogurt after that cook some chicken or meat."

I don't think I ever saw directions quite like that in "Joy of Cooking".

Coffee or tea?

2010-03-02T04:43:00.000-08:00

This morning one of my instructors ("D.") walked into my office with a story about today's lesson in his class, which happened to be adverbs of frequency -- always,never, usually, etc.

D. asked each student, "What do you always do in the morning?"

One student responded, "I always drink tea in the morning."

The next one also said, "I always drink tea in the morning."

Now, there's always the chance in drills like this that a student is just imitating the successful response of the previous student rather than giving a meaningful answer, so D. decided to probe.

"You always drink tea?" he asked. "You don't drink coffee?"

The student was very sure of his reply. "I always drink tea," he said. "I never drink coffee. Gives me gas."

Welcome Back Winter 2010

2010-01-08T05:12:00.001-08:00

I worked the Welcome Back table in the lobby of our building for the first three days of the quarter from 8-10 a.m. My tally of the number of questions from those 6 hours (I don't have any info on the rest of the days) --

Where is my class room? Where is [X] building? 173
Where is the new employee orientation? 4
How do I get on the internet? 1
I need to know my schedule. 5
Where do I buy books? 1
Where is the restroom? 4
I need a temporary parking pass. 11
Where is a change machine? 2
Where is a vending machine? 2
Where is a public phone? 1
Other information needed. 2

A career in politics, possibly?

2010-01-03T13:47:00.001-08:00

"And when I came to this country I can have any good job because I don't have good education."

Everyone wants to be a rick

2010-01-03T13:46:00.001-08:00

"In this world everybody dream about different things like money, house, cars and being a rick."

And another one about children

2010-01-03T13:45:00.000-08:00

Again, from an ESL student essay:

"Human being is in he process of growth and development. This process is inevitable. Our children are the victim of this process."

I have no idea what the writer meant

2010-01-03T13:37:00.000-08:00

From an ESL student essay:

"In some circumstances the couples are responsible for the other's mistake. Children are good example here."

Kitchen problems & attendance (from a student essay)

2010-01-02T11:53:00.001-08:00

In response to a prompt about explaining to the teacher why one couldn't come to class:

I no can’t go to class tomorrow because my stove is no work.

I no’t class tomorrow because my sink is broken.

Dreams (from a placement test essay)

2010-01-02T11:51:00.000-08:00

People keep dreaming and thinking of their own dreams and do their best inorder to fullfil there dreams and make them true and so to reach their gaol, but in some cases these dreams are broken and will not come true, thus people get disappointed and their lifes is screwed.

A student's thanks

2009-12-19T07:09:00.000-08:00

I received this from one of my students from this past term. It means the world.

thank you very much god bless you forever . you know i stared english language four years ago. since that time i have never slept enough hours because i always study when my children sleep at night time. you change my life right direction ,so i will try to work hard for next class . you make me happy today . god makes you happy forever. see you next quarter

Welcome Back Autumn 2009

2009-12-03T04:26:00.000-08:00

I worked the Welcome Back table at the beginning of Autumn quarter and just came across the scribbled notes I made about a couple of the more memorable moments.

Me (Pointing at stairwell): You’ll need to go to the basement.
Student: The stairs going down?
(Ummmm ... yep. We keep the basement on the lower level around here.)

Student: “What’s the fastest way to the third floor?”
There were too many possible answers, so I just pointed at the elevators. Rocket? Teleport? Trampoline?

I found this the other day -- from 2005

2009-09-22T13:48:00.000-07:00

Some more quotes from my ESL 100 class this term (It's nearly the end of the quarter, so this is likely about the last of these until the next time I teach the class — which will probably be next spring) — ( Of course, I haven't graded their final exams yet, so there's still hope for some more!! )

" … [I am ] writing a book about the "Gate of Salivation" …"

[ I haven't asked him, but I'm pretty confident that the last word in that quote should be "salvation". I'm not looking forward to having to explain the difference. ]

" (He) advised them strongly not to be extremists of prouding the ethnicity…"

[ It's not exactly standard English, but the sentiment is great! ]

Great new word: neighboors

[ And haven't we all had at least one neighBOOR?? ]

One should proofread one's resume

2009-09-22T13:47:00.001-07:00

Header from a resume I received yesterday --

EDUCATATION AND CREDENTIALS

Ethiopian cooking ... of a sort

2009-09-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

From a placement test:

“It is very a delicious food which is made from cheeken and different spacy souces. It is not like eating spacy wings ... This food it is not like eating cheekens.”

A Day Without Cats? I don't think so!

2009-09-09T04:48:00.000-07:00

Some foolish websites have tried to put forth the idea that cats rule the Internet (OK, that part's true) and that today, 9/9/09, should be "cat-free" on the Internet.
Hah!

Disruptive student

2009-09-07T11:43:00.000-07:00

For the first time in the nine years of the Basic English program, we had to have a disruptive student actually removed from class by Public Safety.

It was not a hard decision, but it was a distressing one. He was upsetting and scaring other students. One of the students came to my office to tell me about it and to let me know that she was completely “pissed up” by him.

Sure, there have been some discipline problems before, but they’ve been pretty minor. Sometimes an instructor needs to have a student leave for the day and come back only after an apology. That’s been the worst we’ve had … until now.

After nearly 10,000 students, I guess one Public Safety call is actually pretty good. I just hope the student learns how to function in class in the future – but it won’t be in our program.

Of course, as with so many unfortunate situations, there is one amusing aspect. When he met with our student conduct department, he talked (apparently at great length) about the fact that he fought against any situation that was wrong; in fact, he revolted against such things. As he said more than once, "I a revolting man."

I shouldn't find that funny.
But I'm afraid I do.

Another applicant who didn't get the job

2009-08-27T14:25:00.000-07:00

And then there was this laddie –

He sent his resume and I decided NOT to interview him. Really, all it took was reading the objective he put on his resume, which is reproduced below in all its glory:

Objective for Instruction of Speakers of English as a Second Language:

Display of constant and genuine concern for academic progress, and insurance of total class inclusion, along with clear equity and recognition of positive efforts creates confidence- the great source of success in and out of the classroom. Concentration needed to demonstrate content mastery will develop through exercises appealing to all learning styles, along with practice of mature discussion, and my frank assurances that concerted effort can render academic success, in every case. Through seven years of working with “beginners” in all subject areas who are, yet, highly intelligent, I am able to show a tacit, warm encouragement. I gently help examine possible post-secondary adventures in learning…by integrating information, vocational interests, and knowledge of just what each student holds as an academic goal. None of my students will “fall through the cracks.” Holistic instruction will bring out potentially great intellectual contributions to society. Imaginative and investigative projects will engender powerful factual and thematic deductions, and meaningful learning in general. Greater retention is certain, and innovation and thrilling accomplishments are very possible. Standardized test scores can be expected to rise, because productivity follows from preparation, relevance and sincerity.”

The rest of the resume, along with the cover letter and the writing sample, was pretty similar.

When he unexpectedly showed up at my office, I was kind of stuck, so I talked to him. He sat across the desk from me looking very sincere and sounding just the way he wrote.

He was quite proud of the perfect attendance of his students in the GED program at a local youth detention facility. (Where else were they going to be?)

He said there had been no discipline problems, either, because if someone acted up, “I could just send him to lockup.”

I leaned forward and said very quietly, “We don’t do that here.”

So you want to be a teacher?

2009-08-27T14:23:00.000-07:00

I receive a lot of resumes, applications and inquiries from potential instructors. Many of them are very qualified people. Then again, I occasionally see something like the following:

“I would like to teach English as a foreign language at the Language Institute.

I am currently in-between jobs and thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to offer my services to the community. Although I do not have any formal teaching experience, I have a Master’s degree from [large university] where I tutored undergraduate students in Mathematics and Chemistry. I am a resident of Columbus having worked at both [tech company] and [large bank] in the Information Technology group.

I would love to meet with you to discuss my credentials and any possible opportunities. I can also provide professional references who can vouch for my work ethic and integrity.”

OK – so … at what point did he give any indication of any qualification to teach English?

It seems his request can be summarized as “I’m unemployed; pay me.”

Sigh.

Student writing du jour

2009-08-25T14:05:00.000-07:00

OK -- The prompt in this part of the placement test was for the student to write a note to the teacher to explain why he/she (the student) wouldn't be in class the next day. Here's one of the more interesting examples:

My teacher is very lovely and affectionate.

She is decorated and tranquillizing.

She is patient and polite.

She is clever and informed.

She is very very wanton.

Columbus cuisine

2009-08-04T05:09:00.001-07:00

One of my instructors just told me about his chat with a new student a couple of nights ago. The student arrived in town last week and is here for only a month, visiting relatives.

The instructor asked A. what he liked best about Columbus. A. said, “The food!”

The instructor replied, “But you’re from Venice. You have the finest cuisine in the world there! What do you like so much about the food in Columbus?”

With a smile, A. responded: “Hamburgers!”

I told the instructor to direct A. to Max & Erma’s, so he can at least experience the finest of our ground beef cuisine while he's here.

In the meantime, the instructor has given A. directions to a local pizza place, so he can learn what Americans call pizza.

A bad sign?

2009-07-29T04:56:00.001-07:00

I was supposed to go to a workshop today, but just received an e-mail saying that it wouldn’t take place. I’m a little concerned that “The Future of Learning” has been canceled due to low enrollment.

A little bit of ... information?

2009-07-28T15:10:00.000-07:00

Every term, our Basic English students complete an information form (with the assistance of instructors, for the lower levels), so we can gather emergency information as well as demographic information. As I count and collate the responses, sometimes I find a little humor. The most recent examples:

One student wrote that he’s the chicken manager for a restaurant. I wouldn’t be surprised, however, if that is actually his title — I just think it would look odd on business cards.
And then there’s the student who claims to work for the Colmubus Intarnatoin Airpot.
One wrote that he works as a kook. I know a number of people who do that.

A busy man

2009-06-26T15:14:00.001-07:00

From an ESL placement test:

“He had 35 children ... I never saw him angry. He spent all his time to educate himself...”

Ummm, no, I don’t quite think so. With 35 kids, he did something other than educating himself!

Ethiopian cooking

2009-06-25T16:37:00.000-07:00

From a placement test:

Ethiopians have different calander we cellebret new years on Sept 12, every year we are 10 years behind the world. now in Ethiopian callander June 12, 2002. On that day we cook chicken stiw that takes 10 hours of cooking. we eat once in a year. Because it takes a lot of time, it is so delicious, b/c we put a lot of kinds of spicy and flavour. we cooked to gether all of my sisters; B--, L--, L-- & me.

** I hardly know what to say. **

Vague descriptions

2009-06-19T14:07:00.000-07:00

A student just came into my office needing a make-up test. After finding out the course level, I asked who her teacher was.
Her response? “The crazy one.”
Curiously, in my world, that description doesn’t always narrow it down quite enough...

Everyone knows it's Wendy

2009-06-06T05:35:00.001-07:00

From an ESL100 essay on recycling --

As we know that there are many source of energy like Wendy, suny, oil but American can help to save the energy by recling too.

My job description in song

2009-05-28T05:03:00.001-07:00

[To be sung to the tune of “My Favorite Things”]

Payroll reports that don’t have information,
HR procedures that cause huge frustration,
Phone calls and e-mails and IMs and pings --
These are a few of my favorite things.

HEAT forms and COOL forms and PERFORMS processes,
Handouts and copies and files to excesses,
The grants.gov site and the headaches it brings--
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the dean calls,
When the phone squalls,
When I’m too tired to think,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I just want a drink.

Committees and PrepLink and rewriting contracts,
DJFS and proposals with abstracts,
RFPs, boilerplates, funding with strings –
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the day’s work
Turns to homework,
When the world is mad,
I simply remember I’m not unemployed*,
And then I don’t feeeeel sooooo bad.

* Alternate line (depending on one’s mood):
I simply recall what I love in my job,

While in Massachusetts last week ...

2009-05-27T05:47:00.000-07:00

... I was asked a fascinating question as we were talking with a local about where to go when the conference ended. She said we could find the place with Mapquest. Then she paused and asked, "Do you have Mapquest in Ohio?"

From Lina's Spanish class

2009-05-27T05:46:00.001-07:00

"atras a mis solteros . . . "
(After my bachelor's degree . . . )

Thank you, Lina!

Sigh ... just sigh.

2009-05-16T03:42:00.000-07:00

From an ESL student's test this past week:
"In communication, men usually use quantitative way of speaking, by manupulating their mind while women cannot think critically about a situation when speaking, instead women are more fluent in verbal way of speaking than men."

Better problems?

2009-05-15T04:26:00.000-07:00

Student sentence of the day: "Understanding the difference in the way men and women communicate is the beginning of establishing better problems between the sexes."

While cleaning my home office...

2009-05-10T11:58:00.000-07:00

... I've been finding some interesting bits I'd collected and misplaced (along with a lot of stuff for the recycle bin).

For example, there are these gems from my ESL 100 class in Spring 2005:

"I have a fear of height; as a result, I scare the high buildings."
   (It's probably best to get the jump on them by scaring them first, huh?)

"Don't forget to off your oven during the night."
   (I know he meant "turn off" ... but I get this mental picture of a gangland stove-slaying.)

"Did you ever been in war? Did you ever been in dungarees? I aske these qustion because I been in a lot of tragic setuation in my life."
   (I'm not at all sure what he meant by dungarees here. Dungeon? Danger? I don't *think* he considered blue jeans to be a form of punishment ... but I could be wrong.)